How to give negative feedback to someone on your team
How to raise a performance concern with someone who's never had one — the hard sentence early, the pushbacks you'll get, and what to leave the room with.
Two sprints of missed commitments, no flag raised either time. You need to say so. He’s been here four years and has never had a formal conversation about his work, so he’ll assume this one ends with a plan, or worse.
The mistake most managers make is to make the feedback softer because the person is senior. The seniority is exactly why you can be direct. This guide covers how to say the hard sentence early, how to hold it when he pushes on the evidence, and how to make the end of the meeting about the next sprint rather than his future at the company.
Why this one is hard
Someone who has never had critical feedback hears it as the opening move of something bigger. His first question will be a test: so this is a formal one? If you flinch, you’ve confirmed it. If you over-reassure, you’ve told him it doesn’t matter.
There’s also the thing you don’t know. People who miss commitments quietly are often absorbing something they think would sound like an excuse. You won’t find out what it is unless the conversation stays open long enough for him to say it.
Before you walk in
One subject. Missed commitments across two sprints, raised with no warning. Not his code quality, not his meeting manner, not the thing from last year. One subject survives repetition. Three subjects become a list of complaints.
The two facts. The two commitments, the two dates. Written down, in front of you. You will be asked for them.
What good looks like. Have an answer ready for “so what do you want?” It’s not “hit your commitments.” It’s “if a commitment is going to slip, I hear it from you on the day you know, not at the review.”
The line you won’t cross. You won’t let the meeting become a negotiation about whether the two misses happened. They happened. What happens next is open.
Your opening line
Say the hard sentence in the first thirty seconds, in one plain clause, and then say what the meeting is for.
This isn’t a formal process and nobody is taking notes. I want to talk about the last two sprints: two commitments slipped, and I didn’t hear about either until the review. That’s the thing I want to fix.
You’ve answered the question he was going to ask, named the subject, and said what you want, in four sentences.
The version to avoid buries the point under reassurance:
First, I want to say your work is really valued and this is nothing to worry about. I just noticed a couple of small things recently…
He stops listening after “nothing to worry about,” and he’s right to. Either it matters or it doesn’t.
The three pushbacks you’ll hear
“Which commitments, exactly?”
A fair question, and a test of whether you’ve done the work. Answer with the two facts, then stop.
The payments reconciliation job, due the 14th, landed the 23rd. The alerting change was committed for the sprint and carried over. I only heard about both at the review.
Don’t add a third example to strengthen the case. Two documented misses are the case.
“Why wasn’t this raised sooner?”
Sometimes said with heat. It’s a good question with a short honest answer, and the honest answer costs you nothing.
You’re right, it should have been. I’m raising it now. Going forward I’ll raise it on the day, and I’m asking you to do the same.
You’ve conceded the point, which makes it hard for him to keep standing on it, and turned it into the behaviour you actually want.
“Fine. Noted. Can we move on?”
The quick agreement. He’s closing the topic, not accepting it. Don’t take yes for an answer yet.
Before we move on, what gets in the way? Two slips in a row with no flag usually means something’s eating time that I can’t see.
This is the sentence that gets you the thing you didn’t know. In this case it might be that half the rework this quarter came from another team’s changes and he thought flagging it would sound like an excuse. You can’t fix what he hasn’t told you.
Where you stop
You’ve said the hard sentence, he’s heard it, and you’ve asked what gets in the way. If he’s now talking about the rework or the dependencies, you’re doing well. Listen.
If he keeps disputing whether the misses count as misses, don’t go round again:
We can disagree on how they happened. They happened, and I’d like the next one flagged early. Let’s start there.
Then set the next step and finish. Going in circles about the evidence is how a twenty-minute conversation becomes an hour, and the hour is what makes it feel formal.
Afterwards
Agree one concrete thing in writing, the same day, and keep it small: “Any commitment at risk gets a message to me on the day you know.” One line in an email.
Then watch for the first time he does it, and say thank you. The feedback conversation is the shorter half. The follow-through is where he learns it was real.